Darby Sieben - » Personal

The Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!!

Darby Sieben — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:54:33 +0000

I don’t normally post comedy related blog posts on my site, but I received this in my email – not sure of the source (it was not identified) but it made me laugh and I figured, what a great way to start the New Year with a little humour.

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
‘What are my choices?’ John asked.
‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead…’

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’

The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’

A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.

6 Travel Tips for the Frequent Flyer in Canada

Darby Sieben — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:56:20 +0000

I travel a lot for my work as head of business development for Yellow Pages Group. In fact, I have spent so much of my time in airplanes and hotels that I have achieved Super Elite status with Air Canada and a Platinum member at Starwood Properties. I was telling some of my co-workers things that I do to help in speeding up travel and they suggested that I should write a blog post about some travel tips that anybody can use. .

So, here are some tips that I have put together that make my travelling life a little easier. Hopefully you find a couple of these useful in your travels.

Tip #1 – Purchase Some Space Saver Bags (the non-vacuum type)

I try not to check any luggage preferring instead to take carry-ons; I find it much faster when you don’t check luggage to get out of the airport. The issue with carry-ons is making sure you don’t exceed the size limit. What I find works out well to allow you to pack up to 7-days worth of clothing is the space saver bags. However, make sure you don’t buy the ones that require a vacuum cleaner (good for when you leave, not so good when at the hotel) – instead buy the ones that you simply use your body weight to push out the air.

Personally, these have helped a great deal in not having to check luggage. They are great if you are using a airline size piece of luggage or simply looking to add your clothes to a backpack – it keeps them nice and tight. Downside; you may run into the issue where some clothes need to be ironed.

Tip #2 – Know Your Airplane and Which Bag to Bring

I mostly fly Air Canada and when you book with them they always tell you the airplane in which you are flying in. Notice the screenshot below but the numbers that are E90, 320, 321, tell you the aircraft. The one to be particularly aware of is the E90 or the CRJ because checked luggage can be an issue if you are sitting in executive class. For example on the “left side of the plane” if you are looking towards the cockpit in seats 1a, 2a and 3a the overhead bin is extremely small and will not fit any luggage. On the “right side of the plane” the bins are larger but you cannot exceed the recommended size of luggage. This overhead bin will fit jackets, backpacks or even a small duffle bag.

When I am doing a short-haul, less than 3-nights (usually this means Calgary-Montreal), I will pack in a small backpack my clothes (using a space saver bag) and liquids. Specially here I will use the backpack because it allows me to use the small overhead bins. There is always lots of room, easy to grab stuff out when you deplane and you don’t have to worry about anybody squishing your stuff.

Tip #3 – Know your Airports for Mobile Checkin

This one is probably going to change, but here is my experience this year with mobile checkin. The Montreal airport has the proper scanners to get through the priority line as well as security. I find that Toronto, Calgary and Vancouver tend to take longer when using mobile check-in because they don’t have the proper mobile scanners. I even had one person tell me that this was not a boarding pass, thank goodness for other employees in the security line. For now, if I am leaving out of Montreal I will go mobile check-in all the time. For the other airports in Canada, I will use a paper boarding pass and flying out the US (at least the places I have been) I will continue to use a paper boarding pass.

Note: in Montreal you don’t have to be a frequent flyer to use mobile checkin. Anybody can and if you select that option, you can get through security much faster.

Tip #4 – Know Which Clothes Set Off the Security Alarm

Flying out the US it is a policy to remove your footwear. In Canada, it does seem to be a hard and fast policy (sometimes I have gone through with shoes, sometimes I am asked to remove them). I have one pair of shoes that always set-up off the alarm. When I wear these, whether asked or not, I will remove them – otherwise I will end up spending more time in the security line.

This is the same for belts. Some of my belts will not set-up the alarm, others will. I have a good inventory of knowing which ones will and will not. That said, this is a trial and error learning, so this tip is really meant for those frequent flyers.

Tip #5 – If you have a an iPhone, useful Mobile Applications I use when travelling

WeatherEye by The Wether Network – know the weather of where you are going and dress/pack accordingly. WeatherEye for iPhone (links to iTunes).

YellowPages.ca Business/People Finder – handy application, very clean and simple (read one of my previous blog post on this application) and a great tool for looking up businesses and/or people in your destination city. YellowPages.ca iPhone launches iTunes, YellowPages.ca Android and other devices. For Blackberry text – blackberry to 411411 for the application.

What’s On – A great application to know what is on in your hotel room and what channel. Works in Canada and the US. What’s On for iPhone launches iTunes.

ATM Hunter – this is issued by MasterCard and is a great location based application when you need to find an ATM. ATM Hunter for iPhone).

Skype – this is a killer application that can save you tons of money on roaming charges. Note: you need to be connected via WIFI to use, but most hotels offer WiFi. You can then make calls use this application and forgo any roaming charges (great when you are in the US) and pay Skype’s low per minute fees. The only issue – if you receive a text or you have your calendar set to notify you of a meeting, it will drop the call. Still not 100% but I have saved hundreds this year on long distance/roaming calls from my cell. Skype for the iPhone.

Here are a few other applications that I use when travelling:

- Restaurantica – good for looking at reviews of Canadian restaurants
- YellowPages.com Mobile – US based find a business search
- Globe and Mail – keeps me up to date on CDN news when I am away
- Shooger – mostly US, but a great application for coupons and deals
- Yelp – really good for restaurant reviews while in the US
- Facebook – you need to stay connected
- Tweetie 2 – a must have if you use Twitter

This are a few that I use regularly when travelling – if you have others that you recommend, please enter them in the comments section.

Tip #6 – Bring the Right Power Connections

If you plan to work on the airplane there are two power connections that you can leverage. The USB connection that is in the TV (great for charging your phone) and the regular power jack that is connected to your seat.

For MacBook Pro users, remember to bring your regular power cord attachment for the 3-prong, otherwise, your standard power cord won’t work on the airplane.

Those are 6 of my most common travel tips that I would recommend. If you have other travel tips that you would like to share, please feel free to comment.

Which is the Best Canadian ‘Mobile Web’ Local Search Product for the iPhone?

I Made the Top 40 Canadian Internet Marketers in 2009 From Click! Weekly

Darby Sieben — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 02:02:46 +0000

I have been included in the list of top 40 Canadian Internet Marketers as published by Click! Weekly. It is a very nice honor to be included on a list with some incredible people in the Canadian Internet Landscape, many of whom I respect and admire myself as being leaders I look up to such as Mitch Joel, Owen Sagness, Louse Clements, Hunter Madsen to name a few.

The following text is the intro text from the Click! Weekly Post; Click! Weekly names Top 40 Canadian Online Marketers of 2009.

Inaugural list recognizes country’s most creative, innovative online marketing professionals

The results are in for the first annual Click! Weekly Top Online Marketers of 2009. From the hundreds of nominations we received we have selected our top 40. This inaugural list recognizes the best online marketing professionals in Canada.

This hot list celebrates online marketing leaders and innovators in Canada. The final 40 winners were chosen by a judging panel of industry experts and Click! Weekly editorial staff based on their creative strategies and passionate dedication for online marketing.

The Click! Weekly Top Online Marketers of 2009 were recognized at the IAB Canada MIXX event held on September 29 in Toronto. A complete booklet of winner bios and photos will be available for order through www.clickweekly.com in mid-October.

See who the other 39 great Canadian Internet Marketers.

Revisited and Revived – It’s a Revolution That Was Bound to Happen

Darby Sieben — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 18:13:31 +0000

Okay – maybe a little over dramatic, however, I am pleased to announce the re-release of my personal blog. So the first question I would ask is “so what”, tell me what’s in it for me?

Since the early 1990’s I have been focused on a couple areas that really interest me personally – those being – the Internet and its impact on small businesses, small business growth strategies and making money. In fact, I have run three companies – two which I have successfully sold – so actually all three of my passions go hand in hand – basically I have the entrepreneur bug.

However, with every success comes the mistakes behind making that success – I have wounds from my days on the battlefield – but I can say that I have had more successes than failures over the years. I have had some great mentors, past and current, and I currently mentor some young entrepreneur’s whose time will be coming shortly.

So what I plan to focus on with this blog are the areas that I help young entrepreneur’s develop, information that I consult on for small businesses and in general some that I have a passion for. Those subjects will range from Internet marketing strategies, the Yellow Pages directory business, making money online, how to maximize your personal and small business finances, and introduce you to some of the bloggers who I respect and admire and probably more. I will attempt to keep this blog informative with just a little dash of humour.

Am I an expert, I don’t think so, some people believe I am – so I encourage you to challenge what I post and hopefully we can create an exciting dialogue that benefits other readers.

I look forward to serving my readers,

Darby Sieben

Yes, I Still Exist

Darby Sieben — Sun, 21 May 2006 19:00:43 +0000

I remember telling clients that if you plan to start and develop a blog, one things you need to maintain is consistency with your posting. Now for all of you who have been emailing me asking what happened, I am still alive and kicking
and plan to get this blog going again in high-speed.

First, I know the irony of telling clients to maintain their blogs, when I have not done the same for nearly 6-weeks. The reason, and which I believe will ultimately lead to a better blog, is that I have taken a position with Yellow Pages Group as their Senior Manager for Traffic and Distribution for their eDirectories. That has involved me moving to Toronto from Calgary and setting up show in TO. I am recently settled in my 2nd fully furnished suite and have a dedicated high-speed Internet connection that allows me to continue with educating small businesses how to use the Internet effectively.

So, thanks to everybody for their emails and their encouragement to keep this going and I look forward to posting more relevant local business marketing ideas, strategies and trends.

2005 – Year in Review (Comedy)

Darby Sieben — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 06:06:12 +0000

Well 2005 is about to expire. Over the course of this year, we have covered many topics on internet marketing in Calgary, advertising and business success stories.

To all my clients at KS2 Solutions Inc., the business relationships I formed in 2005, friends and family, I wish you a festive holiday season and a prosperous New Year.

Now I want to share a good laugh with you. I received this in my email box and it made me laugh as well as think about the great year 2005 was.

Comparison of life in 1975 vs. 2005

1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair

1975: KEG
2005: EKG

1975: Acid rock
2005: Acid reflux

1975: Moving to California because it’s cool
2005: Moving to Arizona because it’s warm

1975: Tryin to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage

1975: Hoping for a BMW
2005: Hoping for a BM

1975: Going to a new, hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones

1975: Being called into the principal’s office
2005: Calling the principal’s office

1975: Screw the system
2005: Upgrade the system

1975: Disco
2005: Costco

1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1975: Passing the drivers’ test
2005: Passing the vision test

1975: Whatever
2005: Depends

Just in case you weren’t feeling too old today, this ! will certainly change things.. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year’s incoming freshmen.

Here’s this year’s list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987.

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight! Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk! a mile for a Camel”, or “de plane, Boss, de plane”.

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.

7 Key Steps to Unshakable Confidence

Darby Sieben — Mon, 15 Aug 2005 22:26:47 +0000

Do you remember that day? Perhaps it was your first job interview. Perhaps you were speaking to a group for the first time. Maybe you were starting a challenging new career or meeting a special person for the first time. Your throat became dry and your knees wanted to shake.

You were about to leave a place of mental and emotional safety. You were putting your skills on the line and taking a risk. If you were successful, there could be great reward. However, self-doubt was trying to discourage you.

Confidence is essential in our lives; without it, we will not make the first attempt to do what we really want. Confidence allows us to move forward despite temporary discouragement. So where does confidence come from, and how can we become and remain confident? Here are seven actions that will help to develop unshakable confidence.

1. Expand Your Knowledge

Gaining new skills for any endeavor – personal or career – is the first step toward confidence. Identify key areas where you need more confidence to be successful. Then expand your knowledge by taking courses, reading books, and attending learning events. Tele-classes are enjoyable and convenient for learning and discussing ideas with a peer group. Continuous learning is essential for maintaining a high level of confidence.

2. Experience Small Successes

Confidence also comes from experiencing small daily successes. They are like rewards for putting knowledge into action. They may not be the final goal. Yet they are important. Even a pat on the back from a colleague or a compliment for a job well done will boost a person’s level of confidence. Keep track of each small success you experience. You will begin to feel your confidence grow day by day.

3. Exercise Passionate Faith

Confident people have faith that the Creator has a special plan for their lives. They appear to know inherently that when they follow this plan, they will be successful. If you want to achieve something, you absolutely must believe that it is possible for you. You must believe firmly in your potential. A passionate faith will lead you to find and follow that purpose.

4. Enable Firm Resolve

There will be disappointments and set backs. It is natural to become discouraged at times. However, disappointments are not the end of the road if we view them as learning tools.

Faith in your abilities will lead you past discouragement into a firm resolve. Resolve overcomes obstacles because it displays patience. Instead of giving up, you will meet challenges by continuing through difficult times. Keep your mind on your intended outcome, not on the obstacles. Think of reasons why you can, not reasons why you cannot.

With time, talents develop and abilities grow. Then you will get a taste of what is possible — a measure of success that leads you forward with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm keeps you fired up to achieve more of those small daily successes.

5. Enlist Expert Help

Enlist the help of experts in areas where you need more confidence. Experts can be found though books, articles, videos, seminars, or via a phone call. A professional coach will help you stay focused on your objectives and hold you accountable for taking the necessary actions to complete your plans.

Confidence also attracts more confidence. Experts will support your plans and offer to help you in tremendous ways if you are enthusiastic and believe in your goals. Moreover, when you show confidence in others, they will show confidence in you.

6. Envision Confidence

Envisioning confidence begins to make confidence real in your experience. Imagine how you will feel and act if you already had the confidence you need for a specific situation. See yourself in your mind’s eye, acting with courage and conviction. Hold that picture in your mind, and your vision will start to become real.

7. Expect to be Confident

Expectation is faith in action. Now that you have imagined how confidence will feel, act as if you were already confident. Move assuredly and energetically as you go for your goals. You are now seeing, feeling, and acting in a confident manner. You will achieve what you expect. Expect to be confident, and you will become confident.

Give yourself time to increase your confidence by using these actions during the next several months. Get a sheet of paper now and write down how you will apply each of these actions. They can make a tremendous difference by allowing you to move more quickly and assuredly toward your objectives. Today, you can begin developing an unshakable confidence that will bring you joy and success in every area of your life.

© Copyright 2005 by Steve Brunkhorst. Steve is a professional life success coach, motivational author, and the editor of Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration, a popular mini-zine bringing great stories, motivational nuggets, and inspiring thoughts to help you achieve more in your career and personal life. Get the next issue by visiting http://AchieveEzine.com

Small Business Week 2004 – Emerging Enterprise of the Year Video and Calgary Herald Article

Darby Sieben — Thu, 21 Oct 2004 22:30:18 +0000

This year, KS2 Solutions Inc. was nominated for the Emerging Enterprise of the Year Award. You can read about our nomination, as published by the Calgary Herald, but clicking here. We also had a video created by A-Channel for our nomination. Please select the title of this post to view the video.

Video is streamed, but may take a few seconds to initially load.